Joshua!

I never understood how closely linked the practices of art & science could be until Josh gave me an admin job in his lab to help me out financially at a time when I was struggling, and I saw daily how he approached his work.  Actually, when I think about it, his lab closely resembles his kitchen in Brewster on July 4th:  the same outward appearance of complete unruly chaos and the same kind of collaboration & camaraderie from which would come, somehow, some amazingly successful results!  Perhaps that’s because Josh always brought the same creative energy & passion to living his life as he brought to his work.  It was all one for him.  Seamless.

Josh has been such a good, dear friend and I haven’t yet fully accepted that he’s gone.  So many memories compete for the telling.   But when I’m feeling particularly sad, I think of him, a week before he died, – I asked him if Valerie had been with him since he’d been out of the hospital, wondering if she’d gone back to LA at all for work, and he answered no, she’d stayed to be with him.  I said, "Boy, Joshua, did you luck out", referring to the fact that Valerie was so dedicated to taking care of him, words out of my mouth before I realized how that would sound in this situation.  He turned to me, a little off balance, skeletal in appearance, barely able to sit up without being nauseous, and slowly, with all the sincerity in the world, says, “Josie, I have been lucky in so many ways.”   And now, at this time in his life, he says, he felt so loved.  Well! Who could ask for more than that from life?  It was as if he was giving me a gift, leaving me with the knowledge of his happiness and evidence that his spirit was alive & well.  A generous friend to the end.

Thank you, Joshua, for enfolding me in your life as a friend and sharing so much of the fun of it with me.  I am all the richer for it.  I will carry you in my heart.  Love, Josie